Comedian and television Conan O’Brien explains why he turned down the position of Microsoft CEO, on a LinkedIn post. Things he would have done as Microsoft head honcho include using Scarlett Johansson to voice every single version of the Windows operating system, and build built-in Instagram filters for Excel 2014, among other things.

Conan O'Brien has zero followers on LinkedIn. All that is about to change. "I will conquer LinkedIn," says the comic virtuoso. Conan wants to be...